Saturday, May 26, 2018

Forgiveness: A Deliberate Process and a Real Faith

On certain parts of our life, we cannot escape being hurt by the words or actions of others and this is the reality of inviting people into our lives.  At times, we have loose tongues and careless words that dug in deep.  We can even be hurt by strangers.  We get wounded.  Sadly, our lives can be disrupted by the actions of others.  But it doesn’t mean to make yourself a target or letting the offender off the hook.  Instead, you should help yourself and let yourself come to peace with what had happened.

Whether it’s a simple, straightforward spat with your better half/family member/friend, or a long-held resentment towards them, an unresolved dispute can be extremely stressful.  It can undercut the interpersonal relationships and sometimes it can even go deeper than you may realize.  It can lead to mental anguish and may affect your physical health too.

You may have noticed the changes in your breath depending on how you feel.  When you get angry, your heart beats faster and you tend to breathe more quickly, that activate the sympathetic nervous system, gearing us up for fight-or-flight mode which results in numerous changes in the body.  When you are stressed, your heart rate and blood pressure spike up temporarily; blood flow in the body moves away from your organs, weakening the immune system; you may suffer from insomnia, depression, and even increase the risk of heart disease. However, there is one thing that you can do in order to interrupt this mental and physical response and manage your emotions is to “Forgive.”  Yes! Forgiveness is a strong medicine for this.  It calms stress levels leading to better health and well-being.

But the question is what forgiveness really is?  Is it just about saying the words?

No, it’s not so at all.

It’s not just about saying the words.  Instead, forgiveness is about the goodness in you.  It is a decision that an individual makes to conquer the hurt inflicted upon them by the wrongdoer.  It’s an act of letting go of negative feelings that one have towards someone who has wronged them.

Forgiveness is not just a one-time act, it’s a deliberate process and it might take an amount of time to work through our emotional baggage and pain after certain offenses committed against us before we can truly forgive.  Although you may initially struggle to forgive the wrongdoer, there are still the reasons to “let it go” and set yourself free from the burden that comes with holding onto a grudge.

To forgive someone, first develop empathy meaning try to understand the feelings of the wrongdoer who now seeks your forgiveness.  Put yourself in the wrongdoer’s shoes and then decide.

Nevertheless, your decision to forgive someone doesn’t mean shutting down your own feelings, it doesn’t mean what happened to you wasn’t wrong, it doesn't mean excusing the wrong done to you, nor it doesn mean forgetting because it's normal and usual for memories to be triggered in the future, but it does mean acknowledging that the price of being alive includes some inescapable pain and forgiving the wrongdoer remove the power for the hurt to destroy you or to define you.

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There is a question that people often ask themselves which becomes more overriding as the months pass by and that question is "to forgive or not to forgive?"

Well, forgiveness is indeed a choice that needs to be made as often as your emotions shift.  It is a kind of gift that you give to yourself to free you from the past hurt, pain, grudges and release you into the present.

Forgiveness is the spirit of forgiving that signifies that we have faith; faith in the God, faith in a relationship with the person and of course faith in a person.  However, one cannot forgive every offender, there may be exceptions and by that I mean if a person has been sexually abused, if a person is murdered, if someone is doing the same things over and over again, in such case they become more empowered if forgiven so we can’t forgive them or at least I can’t.  Because there are some people who are mean-spirited, obnoxious, and/or untrustworthy, who will never change no matter what happens or what you do.  In this case, you need to quit expecting them to be different and should change the way you respond to them.

What if you are the wrongdoer and you seek forgiveness for your misstep?

The best things to do are look into the person’s eyes and express your guilt, your regression, and/or your apology with your eyes, your gestures, your words, and the tone of your voice and basically your heart.  These are the actions that will comfort you both.  So go ahead and apologize for your wrongdoing to the people that you really have to; it is possible you will end up a much better and a fulfilling relationship.

People will continue to wound you through your life and it’s only up to you not to hold on to the betrayals.  As long as you're in a state of withholding forgiveness, you’ll feel like you're being trapped in a prison of your own making.  So don’t let the past offenses keep its arms around your neck.  Leave the pain and bitterness behind by bestowing the gift of forgiveness upon the wrongdoer so you can enjoy the present.

Just remember: Forgiveness really matters, and the forgiver will certainly be its primary beneficiary.

Stay Blessed, Be Happy...!! :-)


  1. I posted comment earlier on this, not sure if it went through. Great post that really touched my heart. You said it right when we are hurt, we experience all those symptoms (heart rate spike and heavy breathing). Love your message on forgiveness!

  2. This is a very insightful post, especially because no matter your creed, forgiveness is a necessary action to coexist in this society. If you don't forgive, I've personally felt how hard it can be to live your day to day. Wonderful post!


  3. This is a great topic you covered because people walk around with heavy heart because they can't forgive. In my experience when I forgave it released a burden off of me.

  4. This is very touching letting go can be difficult but it's always the best way.

  5. Thanks for reminding me that forgiveness is the strength. Was about to take some harsh steps against few people, but now after reading this-I am really ready to forgive them. Thank you :)

  6. Forgiveness is one of the most beautiful thing we should perform as much as we can. If we can all forgive and forget more often, the world will be a better place.

  7. Excellent information about such a necessary part of life. If we don't learn to forgive, we suffer...not the wrong doer. Unless we're the wrong doer, then we suffer twice as much!I will be sharing your tips!

  8. Thank you for this post. I agree with you. Until we can really forgive someone, that resentment will just eat our health - and happiness - away, Stay blessed also! :)

  9. I absolutely agree. It goes way beyond saying the words. Especially if you don't think those words. And sometimes, situations need more than words

  10. This is such a great post, thank you for taking the time to write this. Forgiveness is incredibly important <3

  11. I found I can forgive many times. But when I reach my limit, there is no benefit in forgiving, because I do it with sadness of knowing i will get hurt again.

  12. Lately, this has been a great challenge to me to forgive and forget. Especially if the wrongdoer doesn't seem to be really sorry.

  13. This is a very good post. Forgiveness and learning to ask for it will help with mental clarity and wellness. Holding grudge, hate and animosity is stressful and physically unhealthy

  14. Jesus said to forgive 70x7, meaning to always forgive. Forgiveness is not for the other person, it's for you. When you don't forgive, you give the other person power over your life.

  15. Good post and I like your blog and your writing style.

  16. This was such a good post to read. I am quite a forgiving person, I never see the point of holding onto bad feelings x

  17. Your writing has a great sense of peace to it. Thank you for sharing, forgiveness is definitely a deliberate act.



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